THE ART OF EROTIC INTIMACY

"Freedom" - the response-ability of individual competency and the privilege of personal choice.

Why do you want to be free? What is freedom good for?

"Intimacy" - to explore up close and personal the qualities of a range of emotion available to you.
The understanding that will help you facilitate such access is exactly what I'm going to help you facilitate.

"Freedom and Intimacy" - don't you want to be "free" to become more "intimate" with yourself, with others- with life...?

To some degree everybody wants hugs, kisses, love, and the shared emotional warmth of intimacy. Why wouldn't you want access to those qualities?- they happen to be very beneficial to you.
Unfortunately too many people wind down with alienation, separation, isolation, misery, and, if you haven't noticed, there's a lot of barely sublimated mass hysteria out there.

It doesn't make sense. Why?

Because we've been approaching the fulfillment of interpersonal relations from the orientation of our "feelings".
- Not that there is anything wrong with feelings. They certainly have their place in the processing of human awareness; and a most wonderful place it can be if you understand how to access them to your heart's content.
- However, in and of themselves feelings are irrational, illogical and unreasonable.
- Most of what you feel not only doesn't make sense, but quite often your feelings contradict and go against your personal desire, reason and better judgement.
You can do no more with another than you can do for yourself!

Let's say:
Two would be "lovers" are attracted. They reach for the pleasure that is potential in their fulfilled merging.
Spurred on by impassioned chemistry, they need, they want, they like, they, they love...
At first this is an almost mindless reflex, with chemistry and circumstance taking their awareness for a lust pleasured ride.
Once the possibilities of pleasure have been confirmed, the road to even greater satisfaction lies open to them...
But just when they're about to get past these bio-programmed preliminaries to where real intimacy can start to bud - they begin to push each other away. Why?

To get to the pleasure that is possible between two people, individually each person is going to have to go through whatever is in the way.

In order to open yourself up to where the energy can flow freely through your mind and body, you are going to have to get rid of whatever has been in the way of you doing so within yourself.
The degree to which any two people can allow their energies to interpenetrate and flow freely through each other's bodies and minds, interconnecting them to a quality of awareness more inclusive then either of them can independently experience, depends upon how open and receptive each of them individually is.

Sexual-love energy is not concerned with human frailty.

You can't channel more energy through a worn filament!

Participation in heightened sexual arousal requires focus, concentration, and considerable expenditure of physical energy. If you have an abundance of energy and know how to direct it, then the rewards of your sexual activity can be positively invigorating.
However, from a purely biological survival consideration: sexually you are a shell to produce seed to produce other shells...
As genetically structured, part of its survival programming is for your body to reproduce.
As such, when erotically stimulated your body will respond. And if required your body will drain whatever it needs from your reserves, or if you have none, from your various tissues to fulfill the potential of perpetuating the species.
- So that if you are physically in poor shape, yet push your body into high sexual performance, the metabolic strain may create and/or cue back in physiological problems.
- Just as a virtuoso musician can't play properly on a warped or cracked instrument, neither can you attain to and sustain the subtleties of sexual ecstasy in an depleted, imbalanced body.
- Health is an intrinsic requirement of great sex.

So you want to be "built for love".

You can't channel energy through a blocked filament!

If their are unresolved blockages in your subconscious (i.e., fear, guilt, shame, doubt, etc.), then as you go escalate into the emotional subtleties and psychic intricacies galvanized through erotic communing these disturbingly threatening irrationalities will start to resurface.

It is not that the "other" is creating physical discomfort or provoking fear. Rather it is your unrecognized confrontation with fulfilling your own potential that is being provoked in you by your attraction to the "other". Not understanding how to deal with the shadowy threats of your own repressed denial, you may lash out, pushing the other to a seemingly safe distance so their attractiveness won't force you to confront yourself.

The sugary battlefield of confusion between the sexes will not be resolved by the man or the woman.

Your "maleness" or "femaleness", which orient some of your interactions in life, are aspects of your "individuality"

For example:
- Two plus two equals four. That mathematical relation does not require feelings, emotions or any gender specific criteria.
- However there are numerous conditions that are motivated through and require gender specific response.
You must place the emotional vulnerability of your sexual orientation under the protection of your clear thinking individuality.
- You should be able to bring forth the "male or female" aspects of yourself whenever it is worth your while.
- But if there is a problem, you should move to a more inclusive, emotionally detached quality of consciousness until you have at least resolved the confusion within yourself.
- When two people have resolved their own confusion, and facilitated understanding along with a satisfying means of exchanging energies, then they are in control, and can safely trot back out their respective "maleness or femaleness", and play with the psycho-sexual equipment for all their worth.

The more psychologically integrated and secure you are as an individual, the more available you are to participate in erotic intimacy.

Your real security as a human individual lies in understanding how to control the workings or your own consciousness! (see Heart Mastering)

  Worshiping at the altar
  Don't you know you were born to live
  The sexual act is basic
  It just depends on what you bring to give.

Sex and Love are different.

Sex is a means of leveraging energy and consciousness.
- You're experience with sex will depend upon how conscious you are and how much energy you have to involve.

Basically sex is an act!

You can be half dead, drugged, hypnotized- a lot of people are -yet still have sex. You could be kept in a sedated, unconscious state; even so, your body could still be commandeered for procreation.
Under the sterile harshness of laboratory conditions, you can extract, combine and impregnate an ovum with sperm in a test tube. And of course you could have a fully equipped sexual playroom, full of the best of lasciviously seductive accouterments.

Sex is nature's way of using pleasure to seduce you into the possibilities of procreation.
- Notice you still get the pleasure- to whatever degree you're capable - whether or not you intend to procreate; or even if you consciously block the possibility of procreation.
When consciously directed from a more evolved level of spiritualized individuality, sex can be utilized procure greater health, boost mental energy, facilitate longevity, expand consciousness and achieve transcendence.

Love - "meta-gravity"- incessantly draws you towards fulfilling your Self!
You cannot "fall in love"!

What you fall into is "emotional fixation", where you confuse the state of mind you've accessed with the person and situation.
You can only "rise in love"!
If you are depressed, lonely, lost and suffering, what do you pray for?

You pray for "Love"!

If love entwines with you, you're uplifted; your dreariness is transformed; everything becomes alive with new meaning and fresh purpose.
Expansively love draws you from whatever way you are oriented to perceiving circumstance towards the next more inclusive level.

You cannot have love without "truth and courage"!

To maintain your awareness in a continuous state of "in loveness" requires complete and utterly ruthless "self honesty"!

Making love is a highly refined, conscious art.

Mastering the "erotic art" involves consciously combining and applying sex and love. The more conscious you are in combining and utilizing sex and love, the more potentially exquisite it becomes.

Since anything/everything comes down to "state of mind"- You can have champagne, caviar, a tropical paradise and a beautiful lover who really wants explore and share with you, but if you're in the wrong state of mind you won't be able to enjoy it.

Then what is the "lover's state of mind"?

Have you ever met someone with whom you are intensely and mutually attracted?
- Sex with this person is an escalating rush of exploding sensual pleasure.
- But it turns out you have nothing in common with this person.
- So that after recovering from your multi-orgasmic crescendo, you just want them to leave and close the door quietly on the way out.
The greatest of lovers can't keep their sexual intensity in focus all the time.
When the intensity of physical passion recedes, you're going to have to relate to the other person.
And if you don't like who you're relating to it's going to eventually kill the pleasure of your attraction.

Have you ever found yourself totally at ease and affectionately comfortable with someone?
- You can each be yourself. There is empathy, understanding, appreciation and real support between you.
And you wish to God that you could be sexually turned on by this person.
But you're not; there just isn't any real chemistry between you.

Suppose, by chance or destiny, you were to meet that longed for just right someone:
- You both recognize that the "other" has what you think you've been wanting to find.
- You are both sincerely looking for a deep loving relationship.
- You both feel that with the right person you wouldn't hold back; you'd really go for it - you'd make it heaven on earth.
- You both want to be open and honest, and help each other in every way possible to fulfill your individual and mutual needs and aspirations.
- You have complete mutual attraction, ease of communication, shared goals and ideas, and incredibly multi-orgasmic sex.
- You find yourselves to be so "in love", that you want to make a public declaration of this love you have for each other.
So you get some credentialed religious aficionado whom you don't disrespect too much to perform a legally sanctioned ceremony.
You invite your friends and family to come and bear witness.
Now you're married.
- You've done the legal thing, the religious thing, the family and friend thing.
Is that it?: You've publicly acknowledged a "commitment" - So now what?

What have you committed yourself to?

Socially programmed expectations aside, you've only committed yourself to exploring the possibility that you can help each other satisfy a part of yourself that can contribute to your overall self fulfillment.
If you don't get what you want, then you get what you don't want!
If you aren't satisfied, then you are dissatisfied!
If someone accepts you in a place where you have no business accepting yourself (i.e., any state of inner compromise and self avoidance), then what are you going to do with them when you're no longer there?
Even if you don't know why it is that you tolerate your personal dissatisfaction, living, to any degree, in suppressed frustration makes you feel bad about yourself.
When someone accepts you in a place where you feel bad about yourself, they are, whether they consciously mean to or not, sanctioning your negativity.

Why do they accept you?
- So you will also accept them with all their inner frustrations.
Two dissatisfied people do not a happy coupling make.
- What it does make for is a "mutual conspiracy" - you don't blow my covers and I won't blow yours.
- Sacrificing any part of your psyche to the hoped for rewards of sexual pleasure will eventually so dull your awareness, that any pleasure you were hoping to gain will be diminished.

Keep them courting!

Whether it's for one date, a one night stand, or fifty years of formal marriage- keep them "courting"!
- When someone is courting they pay attention and are willing to make changes.
- Because they are attracted to you, they want you to be attracted to them.
- If they overly presume they'll turn you off. So they adapt, adjust and cater to you.

Too often, in the subconsciously programmed gaming tradition of gender domination, the question becomes: What is it going to take for me to "get you"?
- Is it going to be one more bouquet of flowers; one more night out on the town; one more intense night of sexually passionate stroking; one more emphatically declared "I love you" before you capitulate?
If you do capitulate, seemingly accepting them where they are, they may very well feel that this is as far as they have to go.
- Then you may expect each other to tolerate all the as yet unresolved confusions between you.
- That not only won't satisfy you, it will become down wrong annoying to you.

Never capitulate- don't give your heart away!

If you give your heart away, then you have nothing to give and nothing to receive with.
Rather open up and learn how to share what flows through and from that quality of awareness.

Have you "got me"? No, I have my self. But if you keep making it worth my while, then I'll stick around and see what we can process together.
- Obviously, if in working through your misunderstandings you process enough changes with each other, your ability to relate and the ways in which you do so will be transformed.
The blessing or curse of being human- depending on whether you relate to it as burden or an opportunity -is that you need other people.

To be human is to be "interrelated".
- It is through interaction with the "other" that we are able to discover and access more of our self.
There's a lot of things you can do by yourself: sleep, eat, dress, go to a movie, etc.
There's one thing you can't do by yourself - make love!

So what do you lay upon the "altar of love"?

Do you try and win love's favor by offering up the sublimated hysteria of your fears, doubts, frustration, loneliness, horniness and the wretchedness of your alibied desperation?
If that's the broken wings on which you begrudgingly spit out your prayers, then what kind of an answer are you expecting?

Upon the altar of love you must lay the most intelligent, noblest, courageous and evolutionally advanced aspects of yourself- just as a basic offering.

Space Age technology versus Stone Age emotions:

The as yet unresolved confusion in most people's psyches keeps playing itself in a culturally updated, recycled mishmash of the same ignorantly primitive patterns that have been derailing erotic intimacy for countless generations.
While our innovations in mass media, mass transportation and instantaneous communication have provided us with the an escalation of unprecedented social possibilities which have yet to become integrated into the cultural fabric of actual human experience.
All our newly acquired social access is making the discrepancy between what we intellectually conceive as possible and the irrationally primitive emotional drag-lines which still internally censor us intolerable - it's literally been driving everybody to distraction.

Then where are our role models for actualizing personal satisfaction in erotic intimacy?

Most people draw their reference points from entertainment projections of modern media.
Dramatically boy/man and girl/woman overcome obstacles to finally get to where they can consummate their attraction. Then they turn it into a sit-com.
When have you seen the relations of very competent, highly intelligent, psychologically integrated human beings portraying a dynamic lifestyle full of highly satisfying, erotically charge intimacy?

Let us briefly consider the three "c's" of intimacy:

(1) Chemistry - bio-energetic attractiveness.
- If you weren't attracted you wouldn't bother.

(2) Compatibility- socio-cultural mutuality.
- Are you simpatico with each other?
- Do you share similar interests, outlooks are goals that compliment each other?

(3) Communication- your ability to express what you actually mean.
- Do you clearly understand your needs and desires?
- Can you make conscious sense out of your perceptions and feelings?
- Can you clearly express your feelings to another, as well as being able to receive and understand the expression of another's feelings?

"Communication skills" are necessary to hold and transform bio-chemical attractiveness and compatibility.

A million times the same thing is still the same thing. One times something new is different.

The access afforded by Space Age technology requires situationally flexible, highly adaptable, consciously engineered emotional response patterns that are in keeping with the new levels of human interaction that are now coming into focus.